You and Me… Can Make WE! Episode Three
ONE TRICK PONY: A Web Series I tried to get it off the ground but never got much done with it… so here it is being put up as a script to be read. I’ll put up an episode every once in a while, as I get them done. I hope you enjoy the show.
Episode One can be found by clicking on the link.
NARRATOR: Shel stood there, just looking at the door. He reach into his pocket and take out a ring box and opens it. He think about knocking on the door, but hear Gail talking to someone else on her phone.
GAIL: Dumb, stupid, bastard can’t even figure out that we’re through. He still out there standing at my door. GET THE FREAKING HELL AWAY FROM MY HOUSE AND DIE!
NARRATOR: Shel slowly turns and walks away. He put the new ring he bought Gail back in his pocket. He walks over to his car and stops… turns back to Gail house and stands there with one little tear rolling down his cheek. He wish he could die… he wishes he could just roll up into a ball and catch fire and die. He lost his love. He took too long loving her, he gave himself too much space for his own good. Well, he got space now in his broken heart.
NARRATOR: You are reading to ONE TRICK PONY by John Rakestraw
Our books are available at Amazon.com
NARRATOR: Shel get in his car and drives home. He took out a $20,000 loan on his home and bought a $10,000 ring for Gail. He paid for a place to get married, bought tickets to honeymoon at Disney World and Harry Potter World. It was going to be a magical surprise. At this moment Shel was wondering what the price was for happiness? $20,000 didn’t seem to be the right price. Shel get homes and sees that Mary Jo was there waiting for him. He walks in and just looks at her with one small tear rolling down his cheek. Mary Jo wipes it away.
JO: How it go? Did she go for it all? I’ll pack your things and watch your house while you run off and get married.
SHEL: She told me, “GET THE FREAKING HELL OUT OF HER HOUSE AND DIE!”
JO: Oh, Shel… I thought you were going to get the old ring and give her the new one.
SHEL: She caught me trying to get the old ring, she woke up, I must’ve pulling on her finger to hard and she woke up and got the wrong idea.
JO: How did she get the wrong idea… you only had to tell her about the new ring and then show it to her. She likes shiny new things.
SHEL: She kick me out and told me that she was having affair with someone and that she didn’t need me anymore in her life. All that before I could tell her that I have a new ring to give to her. I got us a place to be married, a honeymoon… it made it hard to surprise her with the ring after all that. I screwed up as usual.
JO: No Gail is the one who throw away a great guy. You may be rough around the edges and can screw up at times, but your heart is always in the right place.
SHEL: I screwed this up royally… she never going to want me back. I need to have revenge sex.
JO: Okay… you know I’m female, and I find you kind of hot and sexy.
SHEL: You? Sex with you… my best buddy. You and me making the beast with two backs?
JO: We could do it doggy style if that makes it work for you, Shel. (She barks like a dog.)
SHEL: You and me… you got the hots for me?
JO: I’ve had the hots for you since we first met all those years ago.
JO: That’s what I plan to do… right here and now, lover boy.
NARRATOR: Time is never one of Shel’s friends… He been having a lousy relationship with timing all of his life and now… he and May Jo are lying in a bed. There is look of sadness on both their faces.
SHEL: (embarrassed) I’m sorry.
JO: Doesn’t matter. We have a life-time together to do this.
SHEL: I’ve been a bit stressed just recently.
JO: Really Shel? We have never done it. For that matter, I’ve never done it. I feel like a Nun. In fact, I’m thinking of putting it on my resume… name: Mary Jo Adams sex: none.
SHEL: Wait, in all the years we’ve known each other, you haven’t had sex with anyone. Who in the hell have you been waiting for… Prince Charming?
JO: No… YOU! You dip shit. I was saving myself for you. I’ve always wanted it to be you and me… now I wonder if I was waiting for the wrong guy all these years.
SHEL: Sex, it’s a two way thingy. This “problem” of mine isn’t exactly helped by finding myself naked with my best bud. Maybe if I fantasize, who do I see you as…
JO: You see me as ME! I was going to follow your lead… but, you haven’t lead anywhere. You haven’t popped up to your full manliness at all. I thought that part was your department.
SHEL: Have you any idea what it’s like trying to get it going with a sack of potatoes that just lies there?
JO: WHAT? You have a lot of nerve there, Shel.
NARRATOR: As she looks under the blankets at Shel’s privates.
JO: You’re looking like a limp carrot. At least my potatoes are willing to play.
SHEL: Sorry, I had a rough time with Gail. I keep playing our break up over in my head. I think it effected my performance here in bed. I should do better in a few days. I’ll we better after a few beers and some Viagra.
JO: You need to get off the drugs and bozz, Shel. You need to start partying with ensure and one-a-day vitamins. I want you ready to party with this red hot potato!
SHEL: I need a sexy vibe… I need you to be a slut, a sexy slut who wants daddy to give it to her.
NARRATOR: Mary Jo, now very angry, gets out of the bed and storms out of the bedroom in to the kitchen.
JO: Why don’t you just put money on the night stand and call me your whore.
SHEL: Oooo, role playing… that could maybe work. Can you do a good Valerie Bertinelli?
NARRATOR: We see Jo stop at the kitchen table and drink from an old beer can there. She looks down on the table and see a pile of letters. She picks up a few and looks at them, she then opens one.
SHEL: (From the bedroom) Don’t open my mail.
JO: It’s from the bank that owns your house! You have been making your house payments, haven’t you?
SHEL: (sheepish) Yeah…….sort of….type-thingy.
JO: Do you mean no?
JO: Twenty thousand behind in a third mortgage! Jerk, when did you take out that loan?
SHEL: A few months back.
JO: It says seven month here. Have you made any payments?!
SHEL: No… I was going to start soon and I just forgot to get around to it. What do you care?
NARRATOR: She storms back into the bedroom, looking around for her clothes. She spots a few and follows the rest out the bedroom door towards the livingroom.
JO: We’re going to Mitch Cannon.
SHEL: (aghast) Mitch Cannon?
JO: That’s right, Mitch Cannon, the jerk lawyer. He’ll be at work now, he works 24-7. He’s there for drunks and dead beats like your ass.
NARRATOR: Shel panics big time and rushes into the livingroom.
SHEL: Please don’t go to Mitch Cannon!
JO: You’re going with me. Get your sorry ass dressed.
NARRATOR: Jo finishes getting dressed walks into the kitchen to get her coat. Shel follows her, pleading.
SHEL: Look, I’ll sort it, just… just don’t make me go round to see Mitch Cannon. I don’t want a bankruptcy!
JO: How? Tell me how you’re going to find twenty thousand. It’s the only way I see this working out. Mitch Cannon is the best choice.
SHEL: (holding the letter) Twenty thousand. That can’t be right?
JO: (pushes letter in Shelly face) It’s not wrong, is it?
NARRATOR: Jo storms through the living room and opens the front door as she puts on her coat. Shel follows her.
SHEL: (desperate) Give me the weekend. I’ll find the money, I promise.
JO: (laughs sarcastically) O.K then, I’ll give you a few days. You’ve got until this Sunday, or You and Me will be going straight to Mitch Cannon’s for a bankruptcy. Sunday. Oh and … get your sorry ass to work. The museum is a county job with beneies, retirement and it keeps your nose clean.
SHEL: Is this what it’s like being married?
JO: This is what it’s like being an ADULT… I’ll see you Lover Boy!
SHEL: By Sweetness…
NARRATOR: She slams the door closed almost catching his nose. Shel has that effect on the woman in his life.
NARRATOR: We hope to see you next time here on the internet. At johnlrakestraw.com!
You’re reading “ONE TRICK PONY” Episode Three by John Rakestraw.